3 Signs He is Emotionally Available
So I grew up way back when the Three Stooges was a regularly scheduled show on television. My whole family loved watching their silly shenanigans. One of their classic bits involved laying down and flattening out a rolled-up rug. Curly (the bald one) would typically bend down and roll out the rug with his hands while it coiled back up into a perfect log behind him. And every time he would turn around and try to roll it out the other way…the same thing would happen. Hilarious. But also frustrating. Trying to form any sort of emotional intimacy with an emotionally unavailable partner feels a lot like that. Frustrating.
There is a very long list of reasons why an individual may be averse to deep emotional connection or vulnerability. Some intentional, others subconscious. Some nefarious and others innocent. There are people who live their entire lives pushing away emotional intimacy, and then there are others who do so temporarily. In fact, most of us (including me) have at one time or another been guarded enough to be emotionally unavailable. Understanding why people become this way, and why they choose to start relationships just to recoil from them is a fascinating topic for a future blog post In Shaa Allah.
For now, let’s review the three signs that the person you are dealing with is not in this category, and is indeed emotionally available.
1. They Respect Your Emotional Boundaries
When you meet a new suitor, there is a silent social contract which dictates how you talk to one another. Respecting these emotional boundaries is mostly about understanding the limits of what you don’t do. So, the emotionally available gentleman doesn’t use familiar language early on, doesn’t ask overly personal questions, doesn’t give out unearned compliments, and he doesn’t trauma dump. Why? Because he respects you and your boundaries. His only goal is to see if there is connection enough to move forward. That’s it.
2. There is no Switch-Up
Men who are emotionally available tend to be genuine in their intentions. If he says he wants to marry you, that’s likely what he plans to do. But he knows that you know that words are not worth much these days.
Unlike his counterparts, the good man understands that you’re paying attention to his actions. And the most important way that he can demonstrate sincerity is with his consistency. You’ll find that when you come across the good man, he will develop a routine of communication with you (that you’re comfortable with of course) which you can set your clock by. Literally—clock it. Emotionally unavailable men, on the other hand, tend to waver at some point and switch into hot/cold behavior. But the good man’s communication habits will remain rock-solid consistent.
3. You’re Not Anxious
Actually, this may be the most reliable sign that your partner is emotionally available. Sincere men will tend to make their intentions crystal clear and then follow up promises with predictable behavior. The transparency gives your nervous system content and ready to focus on other things.
With him, you don’t have that fear of being too much or a burden…because he makes it clear that you’re not. You haven’t developed that subconscious understanding that if you demand just a little bit more, they’ll leave. So you feel safe enough to relax and just be yourself.
And what is conversation like with these emotionally available dudes? It’s simply positive and polite. Talking to them feels a little like talking to a new schoolmate, job acquaintance, or friend. If anything, these interactions will feel suspiciously calm and boring. Anxiety who?
Final Thoughts
If you Google “emotionally available”, you’ll likely find dozens and dozens of more “signs”. These are all helpful, but at the end of the day the best indicator is your own instinct. Pay attention to your gut feeling. If you feel alarm bells going off, honor them. And if all is quiet, honor that too. The more you make decisions according to your instincts, the better you become at being able to pick up on them. Listen to them, they are always on your side.
